The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)
by Tom Waits

The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to New York, the jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
Cause the telephone’s out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
And the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking, and the menus are all freezing
And the light man’s blind in one eye and he can’t see out of the other
And the piano tuner’s got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is a sumo wrestler, cream-puff Casper Milktoast
And the owner is a mental midget with the IQ of a fence post
Cause the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
And you can’t find your waitress with a Geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends and you just can’t get served without her
And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling, and the ashtrays have retired
Cause the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking
not me
not me
not me
not me
not
me